Paternal Absenteeism- A Way Forward.

Renowned researcher,Kerwin Lebone,of the South African Institute of Race Relations (SAIRR),myself,and a couple of other participants were engaged in a profound discussion;the topic was the staggering statistic of  households that do not have father figures.It was acknowledged that the problem mostly affects African families.The problem was immensely dissected,probable underlying causes were established and feasible solutions were shared,even though there were no solid conclusions.
Kerwin introduced the topic and the following is a 'pseudo-tribunal' that ensued thereafter:


    "The organisation I work for released a study earlier this year showing that 9 million kids in SA are living without their fathers. it was established that some dads had passed away and some may be in prison. But the majority are alive . Furthermore, the majority of absent fathers are African. Three questions: Does the problem lie with Aftican men? Does the problem lie with African women? Is the issue of absent fathers a problem or have families just gone out of fashion?


Itumeleng Mabeba

It is a monumental problem that needs to be resolved,Kerwin.It most especially affects the African populace.I,myself, am victim of...how can I put it?...'paternal abandonment',if you will.Our people seem to not comprehend the implications of this atrocious problem;our fellow sisters and brothers that you see selling their bodies and robbing enterprises respectively,are mostly products of fatherless households.I foresee a cultural catastrophe!

Lebone Kerwin The study goes on to say some kids are better off in single-parent families bcos they avoid the stress of domestic violence. Also the phenomenon of absent fathers happens across all population groups. What I would like to really know, if anyone has an answer, is why is this more prevalent among African families?

Itumeleng Mabeba Your statement about single-parent families being better off's quite debatable;every child has a right to a well-balanced household.Life's a dynamic,complex process which-i personally believe-requires both maternal and paternal guidance.But yes,it's a huge problem which,alas,predominantly affects the black populace;I cannot quite fathom why this is so and I hugely doubt that anyone can.

Lebone Kerwin 

True, Itu. Children have many rights, including rights to safety, adequate shelter, and adequate nutrition which they do not neccessarily enjoy in reality. As to why that is the case is a matter for another debate entirely. This particular issue was not raised to show which is better between single-parent families and 'normal' nuclear families. In fact, I know many people who grew up in single-parent households but enjoyed a better standard of living than those coming from 'normal' families. Maybe I should remove the issue of race from the question and ask it in another way: Why are the fathers of 9 million children not staying with them (let us exclude fathers who have passed away or are in prison).

Itumeleng Mabeba 

Kerwin,I think-and I stand corrected in saying this-that the problem's primarily attributable to promiscuity;statistics reveal that our society has an alarming divorce rate (a lot of which is arguably due to infidelity).When a couple parts ways,children inherently become affected;the father's interest in the children's well-being deteriorates.Adultery's debatably the underlying cause of this intercultural problem;stable marriages and/or relationships would be a suitable remedy.

Tshidi Setere What a topic! Im glad you brought this up. I, for 1, think that our black brothers are more prone to negligence of their offspring than any other race. I have observed this prevalency even in the States. I wonder if this is attributed to the fact that brothers are comitment phobic?

Itumeleng Mabeba ‎@Tshidi:Yup!I mostly definitely concur-commitment phobia's the primary cause.


Lebone Kerwin Right again. Divorce is yet another reason for absent fathers. (This topic really makes u tick, Itu) I value the insights that I got from you today. Anyway, what about the children born out of marriage and whose parents live like families/co-habit. Why are these abandoned.


Keamogetswe Kea Lebone 

GuYs in their teen and Young adults think its cool 2 have more than one girlfriend, sexual partner etc and theY tell themselves that theY will stop when theY get married but I think its too difficult to stop cheating because its 2nd nature to do that and I find that no 1 looks up 2 that husband next door who takes care and sacrifices for the family, Young guYs idolise that single guY next door who has a house/flat, moneY, a car and changes girls.

Keamogetswe Kea Lebone And there is some saYing ka-sesotho'monna ke selepe' most African Women believe that it is acceptable for the boYfriends/husbands 2 cheat and this is whY we end up with broken families.

Lebone Kerwin ‎@ Kea wow! You, Itumeleng, and Helen Zille seem to be attending the same church. "Monna ke selepe". LMAO. But that belief is not confined to Africans, Kea. It's a worldwide socialisation/language thing. I will post proof of this in a moment.

Itumeleng Mabeba 

Keamogetswe,I fully agree with you.Kerwin,the problem of infidelity pretty much affects co-habit couples in the same degree as married couples.It seems that we (Africans) are ill-coached (not sure if such a word exists) when it comes to long -term decision-making;we are notorious for hastily making important decisions that have severe,permanent consequences and,alas,fail to comprehend the implications thereof.What's worse is,we tend to reject helpful solutions such as general life counselling;we feel that such problem-solving remedies have never been part of our cultures and are subsequently futile.A critical about-face is needed if we are to progress as a civilization.

Tshidi Setere I fail 2 understand why a man who grew up without a father would subject his OWN kids 2 the same treatment. I would think that after what they experienced they would more than willing be a part of their kids' lives!